Updated 3 months ago

5 brutal signs you’ve lost yourself in your relationship

It`s hard to see what`s best for you when you are invested in a relationship. It`s not always easy to remember who you are and what you want. You can start to lose yourself and forget to make yourself and your happiness a priority.

There is a lot of shit we put up with because the pain certain relationships bring us is less intimidating than the pain of letting go the person you love.

However, there`s nothing wrong with admitting a relationship has run its course. Here are the 5 most pervasive signs you have lost yourself in your relationship:

1. Your personal growth cannot flourish in the relationship: Whereas healthy relationships offer safe havens for personal growth, people who feel that their own growth and happiness needs to be sacrificed for the survival of the relationship often find themselves going the wrong way in the tunnel of love.

2. You’re going through the motions: For most, life goes something like wake up, take kids to school, go to work, and deal with the kids, sleep. Rinse off. Repeat. Carve out a few minutes of “quality time” on the weekend. Repeat. This probably wasn’t at all what you pictured when you were a kid and you plotted out the way you thought your life would go. If it wasn’t bad enough, your sense of humor seems to be on hiatus as well.

3. You feel as if the life is being sucked out of you: Did you ever hear of emotional vampires? These unseemly characters thrive while sucking the energy and life out of others. If you feel like you are in a relationship that is draining your energy and leaves you feeling exhausted and spent, there is rarely a happy ending

4. You’re controlling and perfectionistic with the people around you: Even though the reality of your daily life is that you’re bored to tears and working at half the level of joy you could be, you’re weirdly attached to it all, so it’s vitally important that everyone else act how you expect. Perhaps because you don’t even know who you are anymore, but you’re pretty convinced you’re right about how everyone else is. If someone else were to be happy or follow their own bliss, it would force you to consider your own lack of the same. Ouch

5. You attend everyone else’s needs first, which is silently eating away at you: Except it’s not really silent, since everyone around you can sense the toxic resentment that seeps through your pores like sewage in a leach field. To everyone around you, you come off like a long-suffering, put-upon martyr. Martyrdom might work for religious figures, but sacrificing yourself for your relationship isn’t good for you and it’s the death knell for your partner’s attraction to you. When you don’t take responsibility for the fact that you’ve let your own light go out, it’s easy to look around and decide that it’s someone else’s fault. This is both a cop out and a way to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own happiness.

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