To Build Healthy Relationships, You Must Take Emotional Responsibility

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Emotional responsibility is a very powerful and beautiful practice. However, it can be pretty challenging for some people.

The Woman Post | Carolina Rodríguez Monclou

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This philosophy works from the premise that you are fully responsible for all of your emotions. This includes both the good feelings and the not-so-good ones. In other words, you can't really blame anyone if you are sad, angry, or jealous.

To illustrate better what emotional responsibility is, let's take a look at the following example: Imagine three youngsters going on a roller coaster ride. Although the three of them went through the same experience, when they came out, each of them is in a very different emotional state. One of them is super excited and has had a lot of fun. The other is frightened and doesn't want to go back there any time, and the third is indifferent.

They have gone through the same stimuli, but they've had entirely different responses to them. This example perfectly illustrates that our response in terms of emotions to an event is our own choice. The remarkable aspect here is that we can choose how we respond to unexpected situations.

Regarding love or a relationship, taking responsibility for our emotions doesn't mean we should consider ourselves guilty. As we are responsible for our complex emotions, it means we have the power to change them.

This concept can challenge many people's egos because some are used to blaming others, especially in intimate relationships. Trying to control someone else's behavior through manipulation, the use of threats, or any force hoping that they will change is not healthy. Instead of putting the cause of our suffering in someone else, we should acknowledge that we are responsible for our pain. And that perspective changes everything.


Taking responsibility for one's own emotions is actually an act of power in which we reclaim our capacity and ability to decide our emotional life. On the other hand, the fact that we are not responsible for someone else's anger or sadness doesn't mean that we shouldn't support that person.

Only when we stop feeling guilty and responsible for the pain of others can we support them fully.

Emotional responsibility in a relationship also includes:

-Knowing that the bonds we build with other people involve care.

-Not lying or making plans for the future when you do not want anything serious with that person.

-Acknowledging the emotional world of the other person knowing that it can be very different from yours.

-Not confusing the other person by changing your mind all the time and playing with their mental health.

-Making clear what your intentions are and what expectations you have with the people you associate with.

-Establishing limits or agreements between both parties, regardless of the type of relationship, to respect one another and not hurt each other.

-Being brave enough to say: "We have to talk about this that has been bothering me to see how we can solve it."

-Being aware that what we do or say has consequences, and we must assume our responsibility.

The key to emotional responsibility is empathy, respect, kindness, and compassion.