Toxic Friendships and How To End Them

There is a saying that we meet somebody for a reason, a season, or for life. And sometimes, there comes the point at crossroads where we wonder whether or not it is time to walk away from that friendship.

The Woman Post | Carolina Rodríguez Monclou

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It can be a friend that we care for very profoundly, but there comes the point when we feel it's not a healthy relationship. It may feel like a toxic relationship, where they have let you down so many times, and they don't share your values anymore. Values are your compass in life; they are the things that keep you straight. When somebody doesn't share your values, that's a huge deal, and that has to be entered into not lightly but with significant consideration.

Sometimes we know when it is time to walk away, and then the most challenging thing is acting upon that because you don't want to offend or upset people. However, quite often, what ends up happening is that those "friends" don't contact us again. They don't return the text messages, they don't turn the phone calls, and then the abandoned person is left with the idea of "What did I do wrong?" That could be a lot more damaging than you saying, "Hey, I'm sorry to say I don't feel that we are in alignment with each other anymore, and I'm moving on. I don't want to be your friend."

If you can't say it in person, write a letter or a message. But just having the guts to say, "I don't know why, I can't quite explain, but our time here is done," can be one of the kindest things you ever said to anybody.

If there comes a time when you know you need to walk away from somebody, do it. Even if you find that you have absolutely no friends and you're in freefall, and there's no one to go to the cinema with, you end up replacing the friends that weren't good for you with a whole load more at a different point in time.


For every friend you let go off because of integrity, for you being true to yourself or not being compromised in a corrosive way, you get another two or three to replace them. You might not know it straight away, and there may be that time of freefall, but the most important thing is that you don't allow yourself to be used.

If you allow people to abuse you, you're making them believe that it is okay to be that way. And if they think that's okay, they will be horrible towards other people. Ending a friendship is a tough time and a difficult decision, but remember: We meet somebody for a reason, a season, or for life. And when you know it's a reason, and the reason is done, walk away. When you know it's a season, be grateful because it was fun, and walk away. When it's for life, fight hard to keep that close connection because those people are gold and very difficult to find. For most of us, we can name the friends that we will keep all of our lives on one hand and not on very many fingers of that hand. When you love somebody like that, and you care for them, those friendships are the ones that are worth fighting for.

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